Re-Birth

Today, At Life Changers Church In Hoffman Estates, IL. I finally found what it means to be re born or rebirth. I was raised Lutheran. It just didn't seem to fit in my life style anymore, it was too traditional for me. Too, uncomfortable.
I went to Church by myself this morning, I was so overwhelmed by how many people were there to celebrate Jesus Birthday. I was taken back by how touching the entire service was.
I don't know what happened, how it happened or any of the details all i know is that I left there with the biggest smile on my face. I left there buying a new Bible and case. I drove my 1.5 hours home singing, laughing and smiling to my face.
I know that I have been struggling to find my own place, to find Jesus and accept him in my life.
Pastor Dickow, said somethings that truly touched me. I have been struggling with many things in life. He said all of the things that were on my mind and I didn't even say a word to him.
So in essence, I know i have been reborn. I have newly accepted Jesus in my life again. I'm willing to go the distance. I truly believe (which I have had hard time doing for many years) that he is my Savior.
I cried in happiness. I shed tears of joy knowing that I have FINALLY found God.

Thank you Pastor Dickow, Thank you God for watching over me, taking care of me, and showing me the way to your heart. Yes, I have been saved. and yes, I have begun a new chapter. Well see what happens from now on... I'm so excited to live life, to see whats around the corner...

Society, taboo of religion

Religion as a whole usually always comes up during the holidays because of what Christmas signifies for many Christians. However, I have been awaken to the reality that there are many people that are not religious and have no religion or God ridden ways and still celebrate Christmas.
This is what society has deemed correct. Christmas began with the birth of Christ, but because America ALL really take off for this holiday many people who are not Christians, not religious, take off as well.
I just think that this is important to accept all ways of religion or non religion for that matter. especially with all of the tabloids currently. Just as we all accept the color of each others skin... we are all the same regardless of what color we are, what our sexual preference is, or even what our own religious beliefs are.

The wonder of Islam

I have been wondering lately what it is to be Islam. The fact of praying 3-6 times a day intrigues me. The fact that there is a certain way of praying and a certain verbiage makes me inquisitive. I want to know what it is to be Muslim.
I have read the Holy Bible- well at least tried anyways- and I was always lost on the stories. I would try to understand about the burning bush or other fabricated stories and they never made sense to me. I have recently been introduced personally to the Muslim faith. Thank God for iPhone! I downloaded the Quran through the iPhone and have been reading it for a couple months now. It actually makes sense. My path awaits me! I have been looking and searching for 'my' path for my entire life. Christianity was so hard for me. I just didn't get it, similar to how i get math. For once in my life, I am ready to make a change and listen to God.
I don't know if I will fully convert to Muslim Faith. I know where my path lies now. I can understand why there is no drinking and no gambling within Islam- that is because that is Satan's way of luring us in. I don't want to be that person who gets lured in.  I have put down the bottle, my cigarettes have been extinguished, my 'gambling jar' has been crushed, pig is no longer on my menu and  I read faithfully 2-3x a day.
I have made quite an improvement the last couple months and I will continue to do so.
I have been waiting for this my entire life.
Now the only question is, will others accept me, this 'new' me- or will I become the minority...

Especially with all of this riff-raft going on about the Muslim faith in the United States. It is literally going back to the days of segregation of blacks and whites. I don't want to be a part of the Americans that are lashing out on Muslims. I would rather be a Muslim holding my own.

Prayer/Writings

I have figured out a great way for me to write and pray. I have a journal dedicated to God himself. Its hard for me to always say what I need or want or ... so this is my chance to write to God. I like the idea well see how it works out. Not on blog time, on my own journal time.


on a second note, I feel encouraged more by praying to God more. Even when people let me down- men especially. My self esteem has maintained thanks to God. I was beginning to feel awful, thinking some things were my fault and all i needed to do was to get on my knees and pray. Focus on me, focus on my career and doing what makes me happy. I do enjoy having fun and dating but right now its not the time for me I suppose.
I'll be working on me, making myself happy again. I didn't get my hopes up either. It was great. I was helped by the big man himself. I knew he has something else in store for me.
Oh well, life happens.
I just get up and do it all over again.
this time with charisma, spunk and character. (and being 50 lbs lighter)

Confident in my own healing capabilities

I have a feeling that it is his previous girl on his mind and his heart. I have a gut feeling that something happened about a woman. Something that I do not want to know about. But I  still need to help him...
he needs to heal from this as I have in the past. He needs my help in order to heal his heart and soul. my healing is rusty but I have 100% confidence in healing someone else's heart now that I have been healed after all of these years. I am ready. I feel it. I feel the energy in my blood like a calm river, the cool energy that can help save someone special. No promises can be made, I am not God. I can not do miracles. I can only do what I know. I can release energy that is ready to be released. This is not a force of nature.

There is something on his mind that is starving him. Stopping him from being human. Sucking every last drop of confidence and self-esteem from his soul. He is living on a thread from his heart.

Every traumatic experience lies dormant in our body. we know it happened, we remember it to the detail, and yet some how it eats us alive while we least expect it. Our muscles remember that experience more than our head does. We get stiff, we tense up thinking about it. Many people have told you to 'let go'. You just can't. There's something that is gripping you by the tongue, pulling harder as you struggle to break free. There is something that is stealing your life away before your eyes. While you are sleeping, it preys on your sweet dreams; and awake it is roaming in your every thought and desire

I am ready, if you are to take this journey through the healing rivers. I will be by your side, every step of the way, I will hold your hand, comfort you, care for you, heal you to my best ability. (As God does for many of us)
I am taking the guidance of the greatest man himself. I was sent to help you my dear friend.
God please help us both on this deep, spiritual voyage of mending.

Where is my career?

I have searched and searched for the ultimate career. I have lost my ways. I think I know what I like, but then i get there and find out that its not worth it in the end. I was lead my money not by my heart. I was lead away from my love and passion in life. Yes,  I do love massage therapy but it does not compensate for all of the hard work. Yes, I love taking care of clients. it has its rewards but its more of a fun job.
I want to find that life time career... I want to know what I want to be when i grow up. I feel so lost.
I don't feel like I am a normal 20 something gal. I want to find my path in life. I wish I knew or it would just come to me.
My passions go far and wide. There are many things i like/love in life.
I will be patient. I will wait for God to show me the way.

The power of prayer

Where ever we turn there will be evil against us and the this is where the power of prayer is the strongest.

My Son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them. If they say " come along with us, lets lie in wait for someones blood..." Proverbs 1:10,11

I never realized that there are so many people that are truly corrupt in this world. Its not OK to hurt peoples emotions, or feelings. Where in the rule book does it say that this is OK? We are being taken over by evil thoughts, negative doings, and dangerous ways.

I am new to this as well. I am not a all knowing or a 100% God preacher from another life time. What I know, is that I am here right now and I am living in the moment. I do not want to be sucked into the world of corruption. I have been down those ugly roads, listened to the devil, and not trusted in God when I should have. All i know is that I don't want that life anymore. I want a pure heart, a great relationship with a great man.

The path has widened

My path to enlightenment had widened recently. My career as I know it is not my comfort zone. My comfort zone is writing. I have a talent is that being used to share to the world, however I can  be using it more efficiently. I know I am blessed and I just have to trust in God that he will show me my path.
He has started, now I just need patience to ensure me right now. I need to know that I will make it. I need someone to tell me that it will be OK. I'm still on that right path, I'm on the path that feels good in my heart and soul right now. Everything that I needed before is standing right in front of me. I have the most wonderful gentleman in the world and that gives me a sense of encouragement, a sense that I can do anything. Now, I just have to trust in God for the first time in my life- Trust that he will truly show me the way to fulfillment.

Quote of the day:

"I have no idea why I was sent here, I don't know my purpose here"
I said, "maybe it was to meet me", jokingly.
he says, "maybe you are right..."

A step in the right direction

I have found myself praying more often than before. I'm not sure why... OK, well yes i do.  I was inspired!
i will find myself eating and saying thank you God for this food today. I have rarely prayed for anything in life. Just when I need something. And that is not how it works. I am thankful. Truly thankful for so many things in life. I thank the individuals that do something kind for me, but i have to start praying to him as well. Even yesterday, I was supposed to do something and really didn't want to... and it ended up working out that I didn't have to do this particular thing. I thanked him. It was a close call.
I am thankful for the few great friends I have.
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful for Roxie.

And I will always be thanking him every chance I get. This is a huge step for me in the right direction. Not only am I praying more often I'm finding myself chatting with him as well. I am finding my path slowly but surely.

Inspired...from an Angel.

I know there is a God for many reasons but recently he has shown me a new species of men. None that I thought existed like this. Something rare and unnatural to my city. He is an angel. He is my angel.
God has shown me someone I want to get to know better. He has shown me that the world I live is it not necessarily that mean. This person radiates with their loving heart. You can see this person is truly made of gold just by looking at him. This is just a phenomenon... Its unexplainable what the feelings that come over you by talking with this gentleman.  It is as if he is truly following God's word and living out his everything did. The best analogy I can give you is that this person reminds me of the breathing taking view of Niagara Falls. He stops me in my tracks, making me feel everything, making me sense the unsensed, he is truly a special person, very gifted person.
This gentleman I hope stays in my life inspiring me, motivating me, rubbing off on me more - He makes me want to be a better person inside and out. I wish that everyone could have the chance to meet someone as special as this person. I think this should happen to one person once in a lifetime.
I can say that I have been truly inspired to follow God's word because of this man.
Thank God for him,
and Thank you God for showing him to me.
I'm still in Awe, I am trying to figure out if this man is real. I have never had such a loving touch, a touch that you can feel in the pit of your heart. When he speaks he speaks the truth, honesty and nothing but love and kind words.
I don't want to be greedy but i want to keep him for myself. I know that he must spread his kind heart, he must show the world to not hate, he must inspire then the way he was inspired me.
This is man is truly a one of a kind. If you meet him, i hope you share with the world how wonderful he is.
Or if you have a similar story share that as well... we all learn from each other.

unknown influences

We run into so many people that say the right things or look at us the right way... These people stay in our hearts and minds for a long time. I love those influential people in the world. You never know when its going to happen- it just does. Its stops us in time, stops us from our daily hectic work life to realize what just happened.
Those influential people in the world probably don't know how much they mean to others. They always say hello with a friendly smile. They look at you when you speak, they beam with radiance making you smile.

Just know we are all influential people even if we don't know it yet. So what the heck, smile at someone you barely know. Ask them how they are doing today.
Because that will mean the world to someone even if you don't know it-

I can hear her talking, shouting about some petty lil bullshit, like always. I can hear her feet break concrete w mania. Pacing. Ranting about why things are the way they are. She clenches her teeth w fury. calling the only person that will listen. No one else cares. She beats the world down w her ugly stick. Hurting her loved ones. No one draws near any more.
Because there is no one left to care for the lonely heartless woman.

I know there is a GOD, I know hes there, watching over me.
But I want to be closer. I want to talk to him like I talk to my best friend. but i cant. I don't know why.
I want to be like other those other people out there that are 'high' on life because of God. I want to become a Sunday worshiper. i don't know if I am scared or what is holding me back. I get emotional when i think of God. I know that I have slipped  through some scary things in life- and if it wasn't for him I would probably be dead somewhere. I want to be that woman that puts God before the husband, boyfriend in my life. I have never been able to do that. I want to fill this void in my heart and yet i don't know how. Its right in front of me and yet i don't know how.
Is there a certain religion that would make me closer with him? Is there something i can do to become a fan?

Once again stuck in this limbo, fickle on the fence, monkey in the middle, don't know what to do kind of thing going on.
hopefully I'll go to the 'right' side one of these days.

Scientology

Disclaimer: I am not preaching to be a certain kind of religion nor am I slashing the religions that I am researching. I am seeking to understand. I am searching for my own path.

There are some out there that say Scientology may be a mind control cult, a anti-Christ movement, or even foolish. On lookers who may see websites usually have the same response "oh my gosh, how can they believe this?" or even "how can people fall for this?" Although, that may be said about your religion as well. I gathered some facts and figures that I thought was interesting. Maybe this will help you as well debunk some thoughts and ideas you had about Scientology.

We all have heard about Tom Cruise being a scientologist, but what is it exactly. There are many speculations, but I want to find out more.
The Scientology religion is an expanding new religion, founded by American author and humanitarian L. Ron Hubbard. The word Scientology means the "study of knowledge or truth" and addresses the rehabilitation and salvation of the human spirit. According to Scientology, the individual is not a body but a spirit. However there have been so many different concepts of the term soul through the ages that a new term was needed. The term chosen by Mr. Hubbard was "thetan" from the Greek letter theta, the traditional symbol for thought and life. The thetan is the person himself, not his body, his name, the physical universe or anything else. It is that which is aware of being aware; the identity that IS the individual.

According to a Scientology website: http://www.religioustolerance.org/
"Today its more than 6,000 churches, missions, related organizations, groups and activities span the globe and minister the religion to more than eight million people in 159 countries in over 66 languages."
Additionally, Churches of Scientology support more than a thousand social betterment groups, which utilize L. Ron Hubbard's methods in the fields of education, drug and criminal rehabilitation, and moral rejuvenation.
The total number of Scientologists in the world is extremely difficult to estimate, for a variety of reasons. Estimates range from 100 thousand to 10 million.
The Church has expanded more in the last five years than in the preceding fifty. In the last year alone, new Scientology groups, missions and churches have opened at the rate of three per day.

This same website also stated this:

Scientology directly addresses an individuals spiritual nature with answers to the age-old questions — Who am I? What do I consist of? Where do I come from? Where am I going? This spiritual enlightenment leads to personal understanding of oneself, others and one’s relationship to the Universe.

This last part really made me think. We all ask these questions to ourselves. I like this aspect of Scientology. Overall, the power of the mind is phenomenal I will not deny that. Dianetics, which Hubbard (who founded Scientology) also coined is the power of the mind to overcome any pain, unwanted sensations and unwanted emotions. Most of us take for granted how powerful our mind truly is.

Scientology also has triangles that are very similar to YIN-YANG. The three corners of the triangles represent Affinity, Reality and communication. The main concept is that if one side of the triangle goes down the other must go up. This is a balance. Same with Yin and Yang its a balance of summer and winter, or shade and sun.

Like most of us, we attend church or some kind religious practices once or twice a week. However, with Scientology they have something called AUDITING. Which is where a counselor actually audits you with a machine to see where there is spirituality stress. A serious of questions is asked from the counselor to the audited to see what trips the machine from your brain waves. I can understand that, but I am literally shaking in my boots knowing that someone could actually be in my brain like that.

Something i did find interesting... Is that many Scientologist may actually deny when being asked if they are a scientologist. Some may still follow another religion on top of being a scientologist. That is interesting to me that we can possibly be 2 religions. I feel as if that is a double standard or an oxymoron. Weird but interesting.
there is also a blurb saying how Muslims,Jews and other religions actually use Scientology without really knowing it.

Overall, what it comes down to is that this so called religion is so new- As of the 90s it was more publicized than before. This religion is definitely a new age kind of thing. The Church of Scientology is capable of uniting two people in marriage which has just happened in the last 10 years. This religion is something that most people are not open to. It really goes into the deep dark holes of your life leading to heal and move forward towards a 'higher being' if you will. Once you have reached your goals you are more likely to move onto helping someone else and its goes into the domino effect. Don't get me wrong the people of the Church have worked very hard to get where they are today. and yes, there is still attacks from the Anti-Cult Groups which they fight. All over the world Scientology is being newly recognized as a religion and it continues to do so.

Much of this information was found at http://www.xenu.net/- a website that battles this enormous controversy called Scientology.