I finally woke up, from a sleepless dream...

The things, like protection beads, worship crosses, crystal stones, that we all somewhat know about... The stones that are to keep you from harm, wrong doing, etc. These tools that I was taught in Massage Therapy school are no longer relevant. The use of beads, crosses, stones and prayer is no longer needed in my life. A light bulb went off recently. The light bulb to energy work, Reiki to be specific. I am Reiki certified. However, each person practices Reiki a little bit different. I met someone recently... She is the first woman to be certified in Reiki in all of Wisconsin. She was certified in 1980. Let me tell you, what a wonderful, splendid woman she is. What she told me was something similar to what the Oracle told Neo in the Matrix. She told me what I needed to hear in order to make changes in my life. I was wearing beads to protect me from bad juju or Mojo, bad energy, call it what you will. She just about clobbered me when I told her about my beads and why I wear them so often. Her reaction caught me completely off guard, caught me by surprise- because I didn't know any better. 

This Reiki Master was the person who told me, that Reiki IS THE UNIVERSAL life force, no religion, no -anything is above it. why should i need protection from a UNIVERSAL life force? I voiced to her, "I needed protection from client's bad juju or bad energy. I don't want that." She just about damned me to hell when i said that. I know her intentions, and no, it definitely was not to damn me. It was to show me, and wake me up from a permanent cloudiness that I have been living in. I immediately looked at my shamballa beads on my left wrist and felt bad. I like these beads. It was hard to take them off knowing I have had them on for so long.

I felt...ashamed in a way, joyous in another. How could one person say one thing to me- to make me wake up from this sleepless dream? Her reaction took me about three days to recover from. There are many things out there that I know, and many that I do not know. That was one of them. So, I'm ready for the next step in my life without protection, without any help. Just the Universal Life Force.

A new year, a new beginning or and 2nd chance for some.

its amazing what happens in a year... i cant believe what has happened this year. I'm going back to last year and I am still in shock. Things happen for a reason that is for sure. I think, never mind, I KNOW that i am here today, I am there tomorrow and it feels so good  to know that I have finally found a place in live. I feel as if i am needed, wanted and motivated ever since being an instructor. who would have thought this would be my ending to a great story... i mean, obviously i know its not the end quite yet... however, I am no longer searching for that better thing out there.  I am no longer yearning for another change or the next best thing. I have found it.
This year in closing... I have to thank each and every student I have met so far. You guys keep me inspired and make me work harder, not for me, BUT for you. I never want to fail you as an instructor nor a advocate.  I also want to thank Anthem College as a whole for the chance of a lifetime to show me, to inspire me, to make me grow as a human being. I am so very humbled by each and every person at Anthem College. I want to make sure that I never fail as a co worker, as a friend or an instructor at Anthem College. I am here or there to stay, and i want everyone to know that. I will try my very best to give 20000% at all times. even when I'm not feeling well. My students and other co workers make it all worth it to come in and push through those times.
nonetheless, a student mentioned that i should try to get a website up and running for the MT department... So be it. Consider it done. I'm working on it right after this.



 Many blessings to everyone out there. students, co workers, friends, family. Let this be the best year yet. I can feel it and I know it will be hard, but it will be great for everyone out there.
Consider it done :)

Alas, God has provided

My journey this year has begun quite well.

I attended Life Changers International Church for Christmas this year. I was nervous because i didnt know what to expect or how it would be. I went by myself. I needed to do this, to feel the spiritual world for myself.
My whole world has changed. I dont know what happened on Christmas Day  in that Church, but I feel complete again. My heart is filled, my negative thoughts have seized, my life is turning around for the better.
I cant explain exactly what happened... all i know is that I cried and cried that service. I gave up finally once and for all- No more making my own plans in this life.
Trust. I gave all of my trust to God.

Overall, Pastor Dickow and that entire congregation saved my life on Christmas Day 2010. I was going downward, spiral into a vicious hole of nothing, confused, felt worthless, depression, suffered from some kind of addiction, and gulping alcohol was a large part of my life.

Now, I cling to the word of God. I feel loved, taken care of, provided for, whole again. I feel his presence in everything I do. I read the word of God for probably 1-2 hours a day. I have learned that no man, or woman or loved being comes before God. Loving God always comes first then the boyfriends. I cant remember how I was before. How things actually worked out and I didnt get more in trouble or worse health problems.
didnt want a relationship with anyone or anything.

More recently, Something horrible took over my body and soul for awhile...pleurisy AND pneumonia.
I knew that this was a test of faith. I knew it over and over again. Everyday, even the days when i could barely breath- I read his word. Facebook'd Pastor Dickow to send some good energy into the universe for me, send some prayers and share with the congregation how sick I really was. Til' a good week ago- I was still sick. Couldnt catch my breath walking up or down a flight of stairs. His word once again proven. He provided time for me to read. God helped me get through that illness. I stayed home, read and read the Bible. It put ease to my anxiety, my aches and pains, and most important my heart.

Pastor Dickow, I personally want to say thank you and the congregation for sending all of your love, your thoughts and prayers. I dont know how I would be with out you or them. God Bless each and every one of you. I cannot wait until our next meeting with you and God this Wednesday (VIA webcast) and this Sunday in person.
Pastor Dickow you are a very amazing person. I look up to you as a leader, a humorist, an angel, and humanitarian. Everything that I have ever seeked out for in life.
Thank you for saving me and thank you for praying for God to enter my heart and fill me up with his love this past Christmas.
I am whole once again and truly RE BORN!

Re-Birth

Today, At Life Changers Church In Hoffman Estates, IL. I finally found what it means to be re born or rebirth. I was raised Lutheran. It just didn't seem to fit in my life style anymore, it was too traditional for me. Too, uncomfortable.
I went to Church by myself this morning, I was so overwhelmed by how many people were there to celebrate Jesus Birthday. I was taken back by how touching the entire service was.
I don't know what happened, how it happened or any of the details all i know is that I left there with the biggest smile on my face. I left there buying a new Bible and case. I drove my 1.5 hours home singing, laughing and smiling to my face.
I know that I have been struggling to find my own place, to find Jesus and accept him in my life.
Pastor Dickow, said somethings that truly touched me. I have been struggling with many things in life. He said all of the things that were on my mind and I didn't even say a word to him.
So in essence, I know i have been reborn. I have newly accepted Jesus in my life again. I'm willing to go the distance. I truly believe (which I have had hard time doing for many years) that he is my Savior.
I cried in happiness. I shed tears of joy knowing that I have FINALLY found God.

Thank you Pastor Dickow, Thank you God for watching over me, taking care of me, and showing me the way to your heart. Yes, I have been saved. and yes, I have begun a new chapter. Well see what happens from now on... I'm so excited to live life, to see whats around the corner...

Society, taboo of religion

Religion as a whole usually always comes up during the holidays because of what Christmas signifies for many Christians. However, I have been awaken to the reality that there are many people that are not religious and have no religion or God ridden ways and still celebrate Christmas.
This is what society has deemed correct. Christmas began with the birth of Christ, but because America ALL really take off for this holiday many people who are not Christians, not religious, take off as well.
I just think that this is important to accept all ways of religion or non religion for that matter. especially with all of the tabloids currently. Just as we all accept the color of each others skin... we are all the same regardless of what color we are, what our sexual preference is, or even what our own religious beliefs are.

The wonder of Islam

I have been wondering lately what it is to be Islam. The fact of praying 3-6 times a day intrigues me. The fact that there is a certain way of praying and a certain verbiage makes me inquisitive. I want to know what it is to be Muslim.
I have read the Holy Bible- well at least tried anyways- and I was always lost on the stories. I would try to understand about the burning bush or other fabricated stories and they never made sense to me. I have recently been introduced personally to the Muslim faith. Thank God for iPhone! I downloaded the Quran through the iPhone and have been reading it for a couple months now. It actually makes sense. My path awaits me! I have been looking and searching for 'my' path for my entire life. Christianity was so hard for me. I just didn't get it, similar to how i get math. For once in my life, I am ready to make a change and listen to God.
I don't know if I will fully convert to Muslim Faith. I know where my path lies now. I can understand why there is no drinking and no gambling within Islam- that is because that is Satan's way of luring us in. I don't want to be that person who gets lured in.  I have put down the bottle, my cigarettes have been extinguished, my 'gambling jar' has been crushed, pig is no longer on my menu and  I read faithfully 2-3x a day.
I have made quite an improvement the last couple months and I will continue to do so.
I have been waiting for this my entire life.
Now the only question is, will others accept me, this 'new' me- or will I become the minority...

Especially with all of this riff-raft going on about the Muslim faith in the United States. It is literally going back to the days of segregation of blacks and whites. I don't want to be a part of the Americans that are lashing out on Muslims. I would rather be a Muslim holding my own.

Prayer/Writings

I have figured out a great way for me to write and pray. I have a journal dedicated to God himself. Its hard for me to always say what I need or want or ... so this is my chance to write to God. I like the idea well see how it works out. Not on blog time, on my own journal time.


on a second note, I feel encouraged more by praying to God more. Even when people let me down- men especially. My self esteem has maintained thanks to God. I was beginning to feel awful, thinking some things were my fault and all i needed to do was to get on my knees and pray. Focus on me, focus on my career and doing what makes me happy. I do enjoy having fun and dating but right now its not the time for me I suppose.
I'll be working on me, making myself happy again. I didn't get my hopes up either. It was great. I was helped by the big man himself. I knew he has something else in store for me.
Oh well, life happens.
I just get up and do it all over again.
this time with charisma, spunk and character. (and being 50 lbs lighter)

Confident in my own healing capabilities

I have a feeling that it is his previous girl on his mind and his heart. I have a gut feeling that something happened about a woman. Something that I do not want to know about. But I  still need to help him...
he needs to heal from this as I have in the past. He needs my help in order to heal his heart and soul. my healing is rusty but I have 100% confidence in healing someone else's heart now that I have been healed after all of these years. I am ready. I feel it. I feel the energy in my blood like a calm river, the cool energy that can help save someone special. No promises can be made, I am not God. I can not do miracles. I can only do what I know. I can release energy that is ready to be released. This is not a force of nature.

There is something on his mind that is starving him. Stopping him from being human. Sucking every last drop of confidence and self-esteem from his soul. He is living on a thread from his heart.

Every traumatic experience lies dormant in our body. we know it happened, we remember it to the detail, and yet some how it eats us alive while we least expect it. Our muscles remember that experience more than our head does. We get stiff, we tense up thinking about it. Many people have told you to 'let go'. You just can't. There's something that is gripping you by the tongue, pulling harder as you struggle to break free. There is something that is stealing your life away before your eyes. While you are sleeping, it preys on your sweet dreams; and awake it is roaming in your every thought and desire

I am ready, if you are to take this journey through the healing rivers. I will be by your side, every step of the way, I will hold your hand, comfort you, care for you, heal you to my best ability. (As God does for many of us)
I am taking the guidance of the greatest man himself. I was sent to help you my dear friend.
God please help us both on this deep, spiritual voyage of mending.

Where is my career?

I have searched and searched for the ultimate career. I have lost my ways. I think I know what I like, but then i get there and find out that its not worth it in the end. I was lead my money not by my heart. I was lead away from my love and passion in life. Yes,  I do love massage therapy but it does not compensate for all of the hard work. Yes, I love taking care of clients. it has its rewards but its more of a fun job.
I want to find that life time career... I want to know what I want to be when i grow up. I feel so lost.
I don't feel like I am a normal 20 something gal. I want to find my path in life. I wish I knew or it would just come to me.
My passions go far and wide. There are many things i like/love in life.
I will be patient. I will wait for God to show me the way.

The power of prayer

Where ever we turn there will be evil against us and the this is where the power of prayer is the strongest.

My Son, if sinners entice you, do not give in to them. If they say " come along with us, lets lie in wait for someones blood..." Proverbs 1:10,11

I never realized that there are so many people that are truly corrupt in this world. Its not OK to hurt peoples emotions, or feelings. Where in the rule book does it say that this is OK? We are being taken over by evil thoughts, negative doings, and dangerous ways.

I am new to this as well. I am not a all knowing or a 100% God preacher from another life time. What I know, is that I am here right now and I am living in the moment. I do not want to be sucked into the world of corruption. I have been down those ugly roads, listened to the devil, and not trusted in God when I should have. All i know is that I don't want that life anymore. I want a pure heart, a great relationship with a great man.